Someone says something like, “How are things going at the church?” The response is quick and feels light, “Oh you know, things would be great if it weren’t for all the people.” Chuckles and laughter ensue.
It’s clearly a joke, but inside they all know there is some
truth to it. Everyone within earshot
knows the reality is that the people are the church – and yet the greatest
problems in the church are often the people.
It’s impossible really to work in a church and not get burnt
from time to time. Most of the time
it’s unintentional, people don’t realize what they have said or done to make
things really tough. Then there are the
other times when someone does or says something maliciously that causes great
and memorable pain.
These wounds leave church workers calloused and on guard –
assuming the worst at each and every turn.
I know I have couched this idea in the context of the church, but the
reality is that this sort of thing happens everywhere. It happens everywhere – because people happen
everywhere.
That’s right people happen everywhere – and sometimes when
people happen – mind you not all of the time – but sometimes assumptions
happen. It’s almost impossible to avoid
as well. Someone treats you poorly once
then it’s hard not to assume they will treat you poorly again.
There is the quote saying you know what assuming does. I’m sure you’ve heard it – and while it’s not
appropriate for this post – it’s pretty accurate. When we make assumptions and preconceived
ideas about others it really hurts everyone involved.
We all struggle with assumptions from time to time. Maybe you assume the worst from your boss,
your spouse, your children, or your friends.
Maybe you just assume the worst from the people who have treated you the
worst. It seems so easy to get to that
place where we assume the worst from people – because let’s be honest – they
are people – and people can be the worst sometimes.
I think we are probably all justified in our negative
assumptions – what I mean by that is that we probably have the right to feel
that way – but just because we have the right doesn’t make it right. I know that I have slowed down and started to
think about what I believe about a person before I interact with them. I started to notice that I was largely
assuming the worst from people and when I stopped to think about it I realized
that doing that wasn’t really fair to them.
Instead of assuming the worst, I started to try to never assume anything;
however that strategy didn’t change much for me. I would go into conversations totally open
minded – and somehow I would still end up thinking that someone was trying to “pull
a fast one” (whatever that means) or manipulate things to get their way.
It wasn’t until I tried something entirely different that
things started to change for me. After
really thinking about what was going on in my head and my heart I realized that
what I really needed to do was “Assume Positive Intent” – I needed to assume
that everyone I was talking to, interacting with and trying to work with was
truly just doing their best.
Can you imagine the kind of connections you could make with
your co-workers, friends, and family members if all you ever did was assume
that they meant well. It’s amazing what
can change. Your whole world can look
different when you stop assuming the worst and start assuming that everyone is
just doing their best.
I mean think about it … if it weren’t for all the people …
We are all “the people”.
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