Confident Parenting

When my wife, Leah, and I found out we were going to be parents, we were both so excited.  My first reaction was one of confidence.  I felt like God had given me the gifts to be a great dad – so I would be a great dad.  So naturally I thought we would be great parents.  Leah on the other hand expressed a number of concerns about becoming new parents, and wanted to be sure that we were as prepared as possible.  At the time I thought she was over reacting – and in my famous phrase – “everything would be fine.”

 

I felt a ton of confidence about becoming new parents – I thought, how hard can it be? As I sit here almost 2 years later – boy was I wrong. Talk about receiving an education!

 

I don’t know nearly as much as I thought I did – and I am in no way an expert on raising kids.  Fortunately, God is gracious and merciful to parents and children alike.  I try to remind the Students in our Ministry of this truth – that their Parents are not experts.  They are just doing their best to be good Parents.

 

Recently I read some material from Jim Burns about becoming a more confident parent.  I wanted to share with you a few things Jim encourages parents to do to boost their confidence.

 

Bless Your Children

Kids love praise from their parents and I’m convinced that they crave it. For children,there is no substitute for receiving a blessing from Mom and Dad. It will propel them to new heights spiritually, emotionally and relationally as you build their self-image.

 

Overcome Negative Family Patterns

This can be tough if you grew up in a dysfunctional family. Still, you can be part of the “transitional generation” who stops blaming bad behavior from the past as an excuse for bad parenting today. Get help to heal the hurts of your childhood and start setting healthy examples for your own kids.

 

Create a Grace-Filled Home

If the atmosphere of your home is negative or threatening, your kids will find somewhere to hang out where they feel welcome. Creating a welcoming atmosphere at home means increasing the flow of acceptance and grace.

 

Communicate with A.W.E.

A healthy dose of A.W.E. (Affection, Warmth and Encouragement) works wonders with kids. You don’t have to be a pushover parent; in fact, leniency does not equal love. But when you are fair, firm and consistent with A.W.E.-filled discipline in your home, you’ll build a stronger bond with your kids.

 

Raise Kids Who Love God and Themselves

The key is respect. When kids are taught the value of obeying their parents, honoring and respecting God is easy. Obedience makes it easier to establish a loving relationship with Him. Give your kids the gift of learning self-respect as well, which is one of the best gifts an adolescent will ever receive!

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These five things are something that we are working on in our home.  We hope that it will help you and your family as you continue to do the best you can.  Remember you are not in this alone.  You have a great number of people who are going through the same things you are.  Trust that God has put the right people in your life and that He will always be right be your side – as you continue to try and raise your children to follow Him.

A Profound Mystery

 

This month at PCC we have been talking about a “Profound Mystery”. 

 

We have been digging deeper into the scriptures to try and understand what God has to say about marriage.

 

Throughout the scriptures marriage is used as an example of the kind of relationship God wants to have with His church.  When we look at the state of marriage in our culture today – that might not give you the greatest impression, but as the Apostle Paul states marriage and the relationship between Christ and His church is a Profound Mystery.

 

There are many things that are powerful about the marriage relationship.  You might even wonder why I would be discussing marriage on the Student Ministries blog.  Well the reality is whether or not you discuss marriage with your kids, they are learning about it… by the example you set. Your actions—both good and bad—are always teaching your kids.

 

Here are 10 things that kids can observe from your marriage:

 

1. Affection:  Kids notice the smallest expressions of affection.  They see dad holding their mom’s hand, hugging, kissing, and cuddling.  They also notice the lack of affection.

 

2. Saying “I’m sorry”:   It’s important as parents to learn to be quick to use this phrase.  Owning our own faults instead of pointing out others is an invaluable trait to model to our kids.

 

3. Affirmation: This should be our primary love language.  It needs to be so easy for us to dish out encouraging words. Our kids hear us affirming one another.

 

4. Attraction:  It’s so important to let it be known in your family that you find your spouse attractive.  It’s a good thing to say, “Isn’t your mom hot?”  It will be awkward, they will laugh, but they will also know you believe it.

 

5. Time:  Your kids should know that you like to spend time together.  When they see you steal time away to sit in the backyard and talk, or go on a date night, it’s a good message for them to see.

 

6. Laughter:  It’s important to laugh a lot in your house.  It’s great for kids to see that your spouse make you laugh and brings joy to your life.

 

7. Respect:  Kids see respect when you open a door for her, when each of you say “thank you” and “please” to one another, and when they observe how you resolve  conflict.

 

8. Faith conversations: Your kids hear and see your faith conversations and know that talking about Jesus and what it means to be His follower is a huge part of your life together.  If you are neglecting this – know that nothing bad will come from talking about your faith with your kids.

 

9. The value of friends: Your kids have friends that they want to spend time with.  Having friends over is a great opportunity to let it be known that your house is a regular hangout for some incredible and cherished friends and how much these people mean to you.

 

10. Servanthood: When you ask one another, “How can I help?” your kids are learning that, in marriage, serving one another often appears in the little things of life.

 

It’s the small things in your ever day life and marriage that can make a huge difference in the life of your son or daughter.  When you make an effort to model these types of things in your day to day life, you will understand what Paul meant by Profound Mystery … 

All of the sudden things will start to change – and little by little you will see what God meant about the kind of love He has for the Church.

Under Pressure ?

Recently our Jr. High students began a series called - "Under Pressure".  In this series we are looking at what God's word has to say about dealing with all of the pressures the students deal with today. 

At first you might wonder - what possibly could have middle school and High school students stressed out.  The truth is there are a lot of things that really stress students out in today's culture.
 


On the outside, most of them seem happy-go-lucky, but inside each student is a complex network of potentially explosive pressures. Students with a strong parental and social support system are the least likely to experience the painful effects of the pressures they face.
 

When parents become aware of the typical sources of pressure that kids face, they are better able to provide their kids encouragement and support. Here are five common pressures that students face:
 

1.      The Pressure to be Perfect.

Students repeatedly talk about their parents wanting them to be perfect, particularly in in the areas of behavior and school. No kid is perfect and when they fall short of their parents’ expectations, they feel more pressure.
 

2.      The Pressure to Succeed.

The pressure to succeed elicits the attitude that life is a constant performance. To fail is to feel stupid.  When students fail, they fear that others will reject them.

 

3.      The Pressure to Conform.

Students find it extremely uncomfortable to be different from their peers; so, they work hard to fit in and accepted by one of the subcultures on their school campus.
 

4.      The Pressure from Body Changes.

Since consistent change is part of the developing adolescent body, teenagers are in a continual state of stress over what’s happening or what’s not happening.
 

5.      The Pressure from Emotions.

Adolescence is a time of emotional development. For many students, the strength and frequency of their emotions is much like having new emotions altogether. They are often not sure where the emotions have come from, and they are equally unsure what to do with them.


Dealing with pressure is tough for anyone – but one of the first steps into handling it in the right way so to know that pressure is simply going to be part of the adolescent experience.   Learning to process pressure and stress is actually  an important part of preparing kids to face the pressures and stresses of adulthood.
 

Rather than trying to get rid of all pressure, the wise course for parents is to help students manage the pressures they face so that they do not become overwhelmed as they journey toward adulthood.

The prophet Isaiah gives us great advice reminding us about how God would have us deal with stress and pressure:

 “ ²⁸ Do you not know?  Have you not heard? The Lord is the everlasting God, the Creator of the ends of the earth.  He will not grow tired or weary, and his understanding no one can fathom.

²⁹ He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak.  ³⁰ Even youths grow tired and weary,  and young men stumble and fall;  

³¹ but those who hope in the Lord   will renew their strength.  They will soar on wings like eagles;     they will run and not grow weary,     they will walk and not be faint.”

-Isaiah 40:28-31

 

The Things That Shape Us

Have you ever made something out of clay?  Have you ever taken something and re-shaped it with your hands?  It's kind of a foreign experience the first time you do it.  And if you are like me the only time you were the "potter" shaping the clay was when your 7th grade Art Teacher made you do it for a grade.


Recently, my dad - started cleaning his house of all the random things I made when I was a child.  He showed me this sculpture I made - and it got me thinking about all the different ways we get molded and shaped throughout our lives.
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When people ask me what it’s like to work with Jr. & Sr. High students it’s really hard to explain.  Most people think it’s tough, and it can be.  Most people think it is a lot of work, and it is.  Many people wonder how someone can pour so much of themselves into students and still have enough to make it through each day.  Those things can be true, but there is a side of Student Ministry that many people never see.

It’s the side that makes me say that I am excited each and everyday to be with students.  It’s the side that is revealed each week as I try to teach students and instead they teach me.  It’s the side that watches them pour themselves out for one another.   It's the side that sees them teaching the adults what it means to explore and wrestle with their faith.   It is the side that most people don’t get to see.

I can remember growing up in my home church and having so many caring adults involved in our youth program.  I can remember the difference they made on my life, and how they shaped me.  And it is just now in my journey where I am realizing that maybe I helped shape them a little too.

I will be honest with you, our youth program is booming.  Each week our events are well attended, have high energy, and continue to grow.  God is doing something special here.  We also have a great number of adults helping and everything is going really well.  And the beautiful thing to me is that students aren’t coming to be entertained, they are coming to be shaped.  Our focus is on God’s word.  It is so encouraging to me to know that students are being shaped by digging into God’s word and being shaped by doing it together.

 

Isaiah (64:8) reminds us, "you, Lord are our Father.  we are the clay, you are the potter; we are all the work of your hands."  He is using all kinds of experiences and opportunities to shape each and everyone of us.  And many times He uses the ones we "serve" to shape us and teach us and help us become who He wants us to be.

My question to you is what are you being shaped by?  And who are you shaping?  Or maybe a better way to phrase it is what is your life about?  Or what is your story about?

If you are looking for a way to make a big difference, or maybe a way to make a small contribution I encourage you to give me a call, or shoot me an e-mail.  There are so many ways to get involved in the lives of our students.  And wouldn’t be great to be able to say, hey I was part of that …

I was part of shaping the future ….

It’s my prayer that each one of us would be shaped by the way that we give back, knowing that even in our serving others the great "Potter" will find a way to continue to shape and mold us more into His image.

The Spiritual Discipline of Creating Margin

If you were unable to get ahold of me last week, I am sorry I was out of the office for most of the week. 

I wasn’t on vacation, and no before you even ask, I wasn’t being lazy. 

 
I was doing something very strategic.  Something very important … I was creating margin in my life.  I'm guessing your life is pretty busy.  I know mine is.

 As far back as I can remember my life has been pretty full.  There are some days I feel like I am constantly running from one thing to the next.  And I am desperate for a few extra minutes in each day in order to do everything I want to get done.

Last week I was out of the office – gathering with a group of other men who want to create margin in their lives.  It was a time of great refreshment and encouragement.  And as I have gotten back in the office this week – I am reminded that I need more margin in my life.

When you look at Jesus and His ministry – He was extremely busy.  He was always doing His Father’s work, and people always wanted Jesus to be with them, help them or heal them.  He was constantly in demand.

Luke 5:15-16:

“Yet the news about him spread all the more, so that crowds of people came to hear him and to be healed of their sicknesses.  But Jesus often withdrew to lonely places and prayed.”

Jesus was doing amazing things!  He was doing things that were worth doing – and yet it says OFTEN He withdrew.  We see Jesus do this over and over again in the Scriptures (Matthew 4:1-2, Matthew 14:10-13, Matthew 14:23, Matthew 17:1-3,  Luke 6:12-13).

I believe Jesus did this often because it was essential to accomplishing His mission.  He understood that His margins would be filled with times to refocus, and to clarify what God had placed before him.

I have to confess I don’t have enough margin in my life.  I don’t make enough time to clear my head, to focus, to clarify, and to do much of that through prayer.

There is one thing that I am sure of when it comes to the spiritual discipline of creating margin:

Margin is not something that just happens. 
                     You have to fight for it.

I know I’m ready to fight for some more margin – to get away and pray.  To share more about what’s going on inside of my heart, than about what’s happening outside all around me.

I think this spiritual discipline is something Jesus modeled for us – so we would know that even if you are God himself – moments of solitude and reflection are essential.

I hope you will join the fight – and create some margin in your life.

My Hero is a 5th Grader

I know it sounds weird to say, but it's true.  One of my heroes is a 5th grader.  I know what you are thinking ... and no he's not my kid, or my nephew or my cousin.  He is just a boy I know.

He doesn't have some outrageous story of how he overcame all the odds, or how is the most gifted prodigy in some area.  From all outward appearances this 5th grader is "normal".

But there is something special about this 5th grader.

Something very special.


His name is Killian O'Conner and while I could spend a ton of time talking about all of the times I have seen how big of a heart he has, or how kind and compassionate he is;  I just want to share about one thing that I think makes this 5th grader so special.

One thing you need to know about Killian is that he believes God.  When I say that I don't mean that he believes in an almighty power out there, what I mean is really BELIEVES God.  When Killian reads the Bible, he takes it seriously.  When God asks him to live a certain way - Killian does it.  Because he believes in God and he loves God.

Recently Killian went on a retreat and through that experience God challenged him to make a difference by helping out another organization who helps others.  So this 5th grader decided to partner with another great organization who helps kids like Killian.

The organization is called "Imagine If" - and it's a FREE after school program for students.  It provides a safe place, games, an opportunity to discover the Bible, and time for students to finish up their homework and get assistance in areas where they need some adult help.

So when Killian decided that he was going to help Imagine If - he could of done one of a hundred things to support their ministry.  But God put it on his heart to raise some money for them.  The thing that Killian didn't know and maybe doesn't realize - is that for Imagine If - their greatest needs are funding.  As you can imagine a  FREE after school program isn't "free" by an means to run and operate.

So Killian thought of a way to raise money - and he made the video below inviting others to join him in supporting this great ministry.

"WATCH  KILLIAN'S  VIDEO"

 

 

Through Killian's efforts he raised - $1050.00

 

Killian isn't my hero because he raised a bunch of money - although I am super impressed by that.

 

Killian is my hero because he took seriously what the Apostle Paul said to his friend and student in ministry, Timothy when he said,

 

Don't let anyone look down on you because you are young, but set an example for the believers in speech, in conduct, in love, in faith and in purity.

This 5th grader is special because He heard God's call - and he stepped up to the plate - and he set an example for all of us to follow ... especially me.

Killian reminds us - that it doesn't matter what grade you are in - or if you have moved past the "grades" stages of life - God wants to use you to make a difference.

Will you hear His voice and will you step up and follow just like Killian did?



A Matter of Life and Death

So I think I have known this for a long time, but honestly the reality of it all comes and goes. There are days when I know this and live like it...and then there are days that if you saw me, you would never know that I believed this :

 

The heart is a matter of life and death.

 

I really believe that all of life hinges upon how we handle our heart . . . not that physical thing that pumps blood throughout your body, but that intangible thing that makes you, well you.

Others call it your soul, but whatever you want to call it . . . it is the thing that truly defines who you are, and what you do with your life. How you treat it, guard it, share it, use it truly is a matter of life and death.

Jesus had an encounter with the Pharisees where he tried to help them understand why "the heart" is so important:

Some Pharisees and teachers of religious law now arrived from Jerusalem to see Jesus. They asked him, “Why do your disciples disobey our age-old tradition? For they ignore our tradition of ceremonial hand washing before they eat.”

Jesus replied, “And why do you, by your traditions, violate the direct commandments of God? For instance, God says, ‘Honor your father and mother,’ and ‘Anyone who speaks disrespectfully of father or mother must be put to death.’  But you say it is all right for people to say to their parents, ‘Sorry, I can’t help you. For I have vowed to give to God what I would have given to you.’ In this way, you say they don’t need to honor their parents. And so you cancel the word of God for the sake of your own tradition.  You hypocrites! Isaiah was right when he prophesied about you, for he wrote,

‘These people honor me with their lips, but their hearts are far from me. Their worship is a farce, for they teach man-made ideas as commands from God.’”

Then Jesus called to the crowd to come and hear. “Listen,” he said, “and try to understand. It’s not what goes into your mouth that defiles you; you are defiled by the words that come out of your mouth.”

Then the disciples came to him and asked, “Do you realize you offended the Pharisees by what you just said?” Jesus replied, “Every plant not planted by my heavenly Father will be uprooted, so ignore them. They are blind guides leading the blind, and if one blind person guides another, they will both fall into a ditch.”

Then Peter said to Jesus, “Explain to us the parable that says people aren’t defiled by what they eat.” “Don’t you understand yet?” Jesus asked. “Anything you eat passes through the stomach and then goes into the sewer. But the words you speak come from the heart—that’s what defiles you. For from the heart come evil thoughts, murder, adultery, all sexual immorality, theft, lying, and slander. These are what defile you. Eating with unwashed hands will never defile you.”

(Matthew 15:1-20) 

The Pharisees were worked up and concerned about what people were doing.  Jesus wanted them to see that what matters is what is happening in your heart.    If you guard your heart and do the hard work of making sure it is in the right place – then you won’t be one of those people who say they follow Jesus but actually miss the point.  (“They honor me with their lips, but their hearts are far from me”).

I hope that this week you will do the hard work of working on your heart, because your heart is precious to God, and it is worth the time invested on it.  It defines who you are and who you will become, so in the words of the great theologians Switchfoot:

"This is your life; are you who you want to be ? " 

If you feel your identity is out of whack, it’s because your heart is not lined up with the way that God has made you.  If you are willing to let Him,  I know God will do the necessary heart surgery that each of us needs, if we just commit to take the time and allow him to do his marvelous work, to restore our hearts, those sometimes beautiful sometimes wretched things.