Kevin Bacon & My Theory of Connectivity

It’s been said that everyone and everything is six or fewer steps away from any other person in the world.  This concept is commonly called “six degrees of separation.”  
The idea being that in a chain of friend to friend statements can be made to connect any two people in a maximum of six steps.

If you are familiar with this idea then you are probably also familiar with the popular trivia game called, “Six Degrees of Kevin Bacon”. 


You may love or hate his work – but the idea is that in six steps you can connect any actor or actress to Kevin Bacon.  In this game the number steps a person is from Kevin bacon is referred to as their Bacon number.

So what’s your bacon number?  How many steps are you removed from Kevin Bacon?  My guess is that if you gave it a good look you are probably closer to Kevin Bacon than you know.  You are probably lower on the Bacon scale than you realize.

The idea that we are all connected shouldn’t really come as a surprise to us.  Think about every time you go to the grocery store or when you are at the mall.  You bump into people you know or you recognize people you haven’t seen in ages.  Around every corner there’s the possibility of connection.

My wife and I play this fun game when we are out together.  We spend much of our time looking for people that we know.  We compete seeing who can find someone first and who can find the most connections.  The only rule to the game is that a connection only counts if you go say “Hi” or “Hey, remember me?” 

The truth of it all is that wired deep inside of each of us is this desire to connect with others and it all started in the beginning.  In the Genesis account of creation we see God in dazzling fashion speaking amazing things into existence.  At the completion of each day of His work, the creator says of His creation – it is good.

There is only one moment in His creative effort where God expresses that He feels something is missing.  It’s the only time He says “it’s not good”.  It’s the only time God says that something more is needed.  And what do you think is the thing that was absent?  That’s right connection.

            “It is not good for the man to be alone.” – Genesis 2:18

We were created for fellowship and companionship. If you follow the lines of connection through the scriptures you see that the need for connection only grows as God’s creation blossoms.   It began with our connection to our creator.  Then we see connection to our spouses.  This led to connection with children and families; and ultimately to friendships and our fellow man.

Connection is important and because it is something vital in God’s creation, I believe the enemy likes nothing more than to limit and prohibit connection between us, the ones we love, and those who can help us become all that God created us to be.  I think one of the most significant strategies of the devil is to keep us isolated and unavailable for connection.

With that being understood I think there are some things that we need to keep in the forefront of our minds to combat this tactic and fight for the connections that God has designed for us and desires for us.   These are some key thoughts that form my Theory of Connectivity.

1.  Presence Matters – Sometimes the most important thing we can do to fend off the attacks of the enemy is to be present.  All we have to do is show up; to put ourselves in the right situations around the right people.  This alone can be one of the greatest things you can do.

 It seems so simple, and it can be.  But how many times do we find excuses or do we find other things more important than being with God and His people. 

The idea of presence also speaks to our mental state.  Have you ever been somewhere – but not really been there?  Physically you were in the room but mentally you were somewhere else.  You were distracted and disengaged.  Remembering that “Presence Matters” means you set aside everything else and you are present in the moment.  You show up and you engage in what God is doing.

2.  You Matter - We often forget that when we gather as the body of Christ it’s not about us.  It’s not about what we get out of something; it’s all about God and what He is doing.  It’s not about you, but in one way can be all about you. 

God wants to use you and your openness to His leading to help others.  When you respond to how he nudges your heart, God will use that to connect with someone else.  You sharing about your experience can lead to someone connecting with God for the very first time.  It’s more than just you showing up.  It’s about you opening up and being willing to be led by God, because He wants to use you and you matter.

3. Others Matter – It’s important that we open ourselves to others and the roles that God can have in our lives.  You never know who God will bring into your life.  You may meet your spouse, your next employer, or a mentor.  God has an uncanny way of connecting the right people at the right times when everyone is open to Him.

When we remember that others matter it puts us in the humble posture of knowing that we are not alone in the struggles we endure in this life.  It could be a disease, a temptation, or a heart ache, but someone else knows what it’s like to go through what you are going through.  You are not alone and we are reminded of that when we live in connection.


Connection is not only “good” it is necessary.  It is something that as we follow Christ we must remember.   He has designed us and built us for connection.  The church is described as a body with many different parts that need to work in unison.  Connection is a key component to the success of the church.


In a culture that pushes us toward the individual and their desires we must remember these truths and how important it is that we stay connected and we open ourselves up to the deep connections God is weaving in our lives.


Hebrews 10:25 puts it this way, “Let us not give up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but let us encourage one another – and all the more as you see the day coming when Christ will return.”


So as you enter this New Year, make it a priority to seek connection.  We all need to show up and open up, because we matter.  We are in this together and are not alone.  And as ridiculous as it might seem – the lower your “Bacon Number” the better off we will all be.

Turkey day Tips

Thanksgiving is one of my favorite holidays.  It holds a special place in my heart.  While over the years the traditions have changed, I always look forward to getting together with my family and remember what we are thankful for. 

Thanksgiving is a treasured holiday in the lives of many families. Yet, because of the tendency to romanticize Thanksgiving Days gone by, we can set the bar of expectation so high that we’re bound to experience stress when the reality doesn’t match up to the expectation.

 

I thought I would share some tips on how you can reduce the stress level of your Thanksgiving day festivities:

 

1.    Manage Your Traditions – Don’t Let Them Manage You. 

Thanksgiving family traditions are great, but we don’t manage them, we can end up serving the tradition rather than the tradition serving us. There will come a time when some traditions need to change, make sure you recognize when it’s time to do something different.  While some of the details of your celebration may seem crucial don’t make the location or menu items the heart of your traditions. Rather, focus on the traditions of the heart: the relationships you get to renew each Thanksgiving Day, the conversations, the laughter, and the love. 

 

2.    Acknowledge this Truth:  There is No “Perfect” Thanksgiving.  

Give up pursuing the dream of a perfect Thanksgiving or any holiday celebration for that matter. It doesn’t exist. Fortunately, perfection isn’t required for a “happy” Thanksgiving. When something goes awry, as it inevitably will, how you respond to the situation will determine your stress level.  We have all been there and we know that nothing ever seems to go as planned.  Remember the people you care about the most will feed off of how you react to tough situations.  Make the most of your time together.

 

3.    Evaluate Your Expectations. 

There’s nothing wrong with having expectations.  Knowing what they are can help you adjust them to be more in line with reality. So, here are four questions: 1) What are you planning? 2) Why are you planning it? 3) Is it meaningful? 4) Is it reasonable to believe you can accomplish what you are planning?  It’s great to know what you or your family is expecting before you get in over your head trying to meet expectations that no one really has.

 

4.    Create Some Margin. 

Hosting Thanksgiving at your home is no “holiday.” While it may be a labor of love, it’s still labor! The person or persons most responsible often get run ragged. If you are the host, carve out some space for yourself by sharing responsibilities.  If you are just one of the hungry masses, make sure you offer to help.  Plan on bringing items to pitch in or help with the clean-up. Do whatever you can to show your appreciation and make life easier on those who were gracious enough to have you over.

 

5.    Don’t Take the Bait! 

Almost every family has at least one member who loves to stir the pot and push others’ buttons. And it seems that Turkey-Day is often the pot-stirring, button-pushing high holy holiday. Expect that some snarky comment will be made. Let it go, or make light of it. These comments are almost always an exercise in fishing. Remember, the fish that gets hooked, is the fish that takes the bait.

 

I hope this tips help you get the most out of Thanksgiving this year.  I hope you are looking forward to spending time with your family for Thanksgiving. There is so much to be thankful for and so much we seem to take for granted.  This year take some extra time to make this Thanksgiving special.  And remember that no matter what hardships you are facing or have faced recently – we have a good God who has given us so much to be thankful for.

Exploited by the Fuzz

It’s not every day that a police officer walks into our office and starts asking questions.  On the scale of everyday occurrence to abnormally out of place, this event would land squarely in the realm of possibility but would be forecasted with a strong system of “highly unlikely” sweeping through the region.

Fortunately my office sits in a very worthwhile position, one which allows me be aware of what is happening at most moments but also provides substantial coverage to avoid any truly awkward situations.  So when the very unlikely but totally possible event of a state police officer asking questions materialized in our office, I can ensure you I didn’t miss the opportunity to insert myself into the investigation.

As I entered into the interrogation without an invitation my heart rate started to soar.  I wanted desperately to know what had happened and how we could be essential in nabbing the local villain.  You could read the headlines now – “Student Pastor Key factor in Apprehending Mobster”.  I was ready to give back and be of service.  I glanced over to the officer’s computer screen.  On it he had images taken from what appeared to be a store surveillance video.

Now we were getting somewhere – if only I could identify these criminals.  As I glanced at the screen, my heart dropped.  It was hard to make out – it was black and white – it was a little grainy – but when I saw the images what I saw were some close friends of mine at the church.  The officer asked me, “Do you know these people?  Do they go to church here?”

My heart sank again.  It looked like my friends – and it was the police.  I didn’t want to lie but I also couldn’t believe it was them.  I answered his question … “It could be them … (using their names).”  “Could you provide me with an address?” the officer asked.  Something about it didn’t seem right.  I felt like I was turning my friend in, a friend I was sure had done nothing wrong.  I ignored his question.  I said, “I have his number, you could call him.”   The officer wrote down the names and the number and then left.

As the officer left I was pretty worked up.  My blood had really been pumping by then.  I knew he was just doing his job but I felt like he was pumping us for information about someone I cared about.  I felt like he came and took information that I didn’t want to give and left us there trying to figure out what had happened.  I felt exploited … by the Fuzz.

It turns out everything was fine – there was an investigation and the police looked into my friends but it was just a case of mistaken identity.  As things developed it was clear it wasn’t them, the culprits just happened to look like them.  But as I looked back and reflected on the event I had to ask myself why I got so worked up about the officer just doing his job.  Why did I feel this deep need to protect something important to me and why was I tempted to keep that information away from him?

I started to think about my own spiritual life and how sometimes I react the same way to God as I did to that officer.  God comes into the office of my life and starts poking around a little bit.  He asks me some questions.   He is looking for the answers – just the truth - nothing more nothing less.   He wants me to be honest to help Him to His work.  He can do it without me, but if I cooperate it makes His job so much easier.  He’s on the case and He wants to make everything right and restore what has been broken or taken.  His motives are pure.

My motives however can be called into question on a regular basis.  Instead of letting my guard down and letting God get to the heart of the matter, I act like I have been pulled over for a traffic stop.  As he approaches the window, I tell him I know my rights and He’s going to need a warrant if He wants to search me or my vehicle.    He has to have just cause; He can’t just expect me to lay down my rights.

When in reality that’s exactly what he expects me to do.

Matthew 16:24 – “Then Jesus said to his disciples, “If any of you wants to be my follower, you must turn from your selfish ways, take up your cross, and follow me.”

Jesus tells us that we must lay down our rights SO we can pick up our cross AND dying to ourselves is the only way that we will truly follow Him.

Jesus is not some Cosmic Police Officer trying to trip you up.  He’s not the Fuzz trying to work you for information.

He is a good and loving God – who has done and will continue to do anything and everything to solve the case – and make things right in your life once again.

Confident Parenting

When my wife, Leah, and I found out we were going to be parents, we were both so excited.  My first reaction was one of confidence.  I felt like God had given me the gifts to be a great dad – so I would be a great dad.  So naturally I thought we would be great parents.  Leah on the other hand expressed a number of concerns about becoming new parents, and wanted to be sure that we were as prepared as possible.  At the time I thought she was over reacting – and in my famous phrase – “everything would be fine.”

 

I felt a ton of confidence about becoming new parents – I thought, how hard can it be? As I sit here almost 2 years later – boy was I wrong. Talk about receiving an education!

 

I don’t know nearly as much as I thought I did – and I am in no way an expert on raising kids.  Fortunately, God is gracious and merciful to parents and children alike.  I try to remind the Students in our Ministry of this truth – that their Parents are not experts.  They are just doing their best to be good Parents.

 

Recently I read some material from Jim Burns about becoming a more confident parent.  I wanted to share with you a few things Jim encourages parents to do to boost their confidence.

 

Bless Your Children

Kids love praise from their parents and I’m convinced that they crave it. For children,there is no substitute for receiving a blessing from Mom and Dad. It will propel them to new heights spiritually, emotionally and relationally as you build their self-image.

 

Overcome Negative Family Patterns

This can be tough if you grew up in a dysfunctional family. Still, you can be part of the “transitional generation” who stops blaming bad behavior from the past as an excuse for bad parenting today. Get help to heal the hurts of your childhood and start setting healthy examples for your own kids.

 

Create a Grace-Filled Home

If the atmosphere of your home is negative or threatening, your kids will find somewhere to hang out where they feel welcome. Creating a welcoming atmosphere at home means increasing the flow of acceptance and grace.

 

Communicate with A.W.E.

A healthy dose of A.W.E. (Affection, Warmth and Encouragement) works wonders with kids. You don’t have to be a pushover parent; in fact, leniency does not equal love. But when you are fair, firm and consistent with A.W.E.-filled discipline in your home, you’ll build a stronger bond with your kids.

 

Raise Kids Who Love God and Themselves

The key is respect. When kids are taught the value of obeying their parents, honoring and respecting God is easy. Obedience makes it easier to establish a loving relationship with Him. Give your kids the gift of learning self-respect as well, which is one of the best gifts an adolescent will ever receive!

____________

 

These five things are something that we are working on in our home.  We hope that it will help you and your family as you continue to do the best you can.  Remember you are not in this alone.  You have a great number of people who are going through the same things you are.  Trust that God has put the right people in your life and that He will always be right be your side – as you continue to try and raise your children to follow Him.

A Profound Mystery

 

This month at PCC we have been talking about a “Profound Mystery”. 

 

We have been digging deeper into the scriptures to try and understand what God has to say about marriage.

 

Throughout the scriptures marriage is used as an example of the kind of relationship God wants to have with His church.  When we look at the state of marriage in our culture today – that might not give you the greatest impression, but as the Apostle Paul states marriage and the relationship between Christ and His church is a Profound Mystery.

 

There are many things that are powerful about the marriage relationship.  You might even wonder why I would be discussing marriage on the Student Ministries blog.  Well the reality is whether or not you discuss marriage with your kids, they are learning about it… by the example you set. Your actions—both good and bad—are always teaching your kids.

 

Here are 10 things that kids can observe from your marriage:

 

1. Affection:  Kids notice the smallest expressions of affection.  They see dad holding their mom’s hand, hugging, kissing, and cuddling.  They also notice the lack of affection.

 

2. Saying “I’m sorry”:   It’s important as parents to learn to be quick to use this phrase.  Owning our own faults instead of pointing out others is an invaluable trait to model to our kids.

 

3. Affirmation: This should be our primary love language.  It needs to be so easy for us to dish out encouraging words. Our kids hear us affirming one another.

 

4. Attraction:  It’s so important to let it be known in your family that you find your spouse attractive.  It’s a good thing to say, “Isn’t your mom hot?”  It will be awkward, they will laugh, but they will also know you believe it.

 

5. Time:  Your kids should know that you like to spend time together.  When they see you steal time away to sit in the backyard and talk, or go on a date night, it’s a good message for them to see.

 

6. Laughter:  It’s important to laugh a lot in your house.  It’s great for kids to see that your spouse make you laugh and brings joy to your life.

 

7. Respect:  Kids see respect when you open a door for her, when each of you say “thank you” and “please” to one another, and when they observe how you resolve  conflict.

 

8. Faith conversations: Your kids hear and see your faith conversations and know that talking about Jesus and what it means to be His follower is a huge part of your life together.  If you are neglecting this – know that nothing bad will come from talking about your faith with your kids.

 

9. The value of friends: Your kids have friends that they want to spend time with.  Having friends over is a great opportunity to let it be known that your house is a regular hangout for some incredible and cherished friends and how much these people mean to you.

 

10. Servanthood: When you ask one another, “How can I help?” your kids are learning that, in marriage, serving one another often appears in the little things of life.

 

It’s the small things in your ever day life and marriage that can make a huge difference in the life of your son or daughter.  When you make an effort to model these types of things in your day to day life, you will understand what Paul meant by Profound Mystery … 

All of the sudden things will start to change – and little by little you will see what God meant about the kind of love He has for the Church.