If you
are even remotely interested in sports than this headline grabbing story has
been something you have heard a lot about already. My guess is that even if you aren’t into
sports – by now you have heard about Jonathan Martin – a 300-pound NFL player
who has left his team in the middle of the season due to bullying and abuse
from his teammates.
As the
details to this story start to trickle out, one thing is very clear – No one
should have to endure the kind of verbal and mental treatment that Jonathan
Martin went through. And what is sadder
yet is that I am confident he is not the only person in the NFL who has been
bullied and abused in this way.
Bullying
while it may be grabbing headlines now is nothing new. As long as there have been kids there have been bullies. You probably
know what being bullied feels like, having likely experienced it on your
journey to adulthood.
But,
the nature of bullying has changed. It is nothing like it used to be. Long gone are the days when the “bigger” kid
picked on the “smaller” kid and took his lunch money. In today’s culture as we see in the current
headlines – bullies can come from anywhere and use many means to intimate and
torture their victims. In today’s
culture bullying is far worse than it used to be, and it’s important for
parents to understand why.
Here
are some of the ways that bullying has changed:
· Today, bullying can take place around the clock
through the use of technology.
· Today, bullying is rarely an incident between the
bully and the victim only. Through technology, a bully’s threats, lies, and
put-downs can be broadcast online and passed along to everyone and anyone.
There is no safe haven from a bully. It can be relentless.
· Today, bullying is more difficult to stop. When a
bully sends a threatening or demeaning post, others often redistribute the post
that extends its reach. It’s impossible to completely delete these posts from
cyberspace. As a result, victims of bullying live in fear, not knowing when the
next incidence will take place or who will see these posts.
· Today, the stakes are much higher for the bullied.
It’s not unusual for victims to experience isolation, depression, or even to
commit suicide.
· Today, the stakes are higher for bullies. Because
of the widespread (and sometimes tragic) damage bullying can inflict, it is not
unusual for bullies to be criminally prosecuted for their bullying behaviors.
· Today, the stakes are higher for parents. For
parents of bullies, prosecutors may look for circumstances to pin criminal
responsibility for the bully’s behavior on her or his parents. For parents of
bullying victims, the havoc that can be wreaked upon the family can be
devastating, especially for those who have lost a child due to suicide.
Because
the nature of bullying has changed, we all have a responsibility to be more
aware of what is going on around us. We especially
need to monitor what is going on in the lives of the teenagers we are connected
to and care deeply about.
Today’s
parents should always take seriously any incidence where their child reports
being bullied. The stakes today are simply too high to ignore bullying or to
assume that your child will work it out on her or his own.
Listen,
keep written records, remain calm, deal proactively to pursue resolution, and
provide follow up. Bullying causes series damage to the lives of everyone
involved, damage that can be prevented if we stop bullying in its tracks and find healing and restoration.
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