Even 300-Pound NFL Players Can Be Bullied

If you are even remotely interested in sports than this headline grabbing story has been something you have heard a lot about already.  My guess is that even if you aren’t into sports – by now you have heard about Jonathan Martin – a 300-pound NFL player who has left his team in the middle of the season due to bullying and abuse from his teammates. 

As the details to this story start to trickle out, one thing is very clear – No one should have to endure the kind of verbal and mental treatment that Jonathan Martin went through.  And what is sadder yet is that I am confident he is not the only person in the NFL who has been bullied and abused in this way. 

Bullying while it may be grabbing headlines now is nothing new. As long as there have been kids there have been bullies. You probably know what being bullied feels like, having likely experienced it on your journey to adulthood.   

But, the nature of bullying has changed. It is nothing like it used to be.  Long gone are the days when the “bigger” kid picked on the “smaller” kid and took his lunch money.  In today’s culture as we see in the current headlines – bullies can come from anywhere and use many means to intimate and torture their victims.  In today’s culture bullying is far worse than it used to be, and it’s important for parents to understand why.  

Here are some of the ways that bullying has changed: 

·        Today, bullying can take place around the clock through the use of technology.

·        Today, bullying is rarely an incident between the bully and the victim only. Through technology, a bully’s threats, lies, and put-downs can be broadcast online and passed along to everyone and anyone. There is no safe haven from a bully. It can be relentless.

·        Today, bullying is more difficult to stop. When a bully sends a threatening or demeaning post, others often redistribute the post that extends its reach. It’s impossible to completely delete these posts from cyberspace. As a result, victims of bullying live in fear, not knowing when the next incidence will take place or who will see these posts.

·        Today, the stakes are much higher for the bullied. It’s not unusual for victims to experience isolation, depression, or even to commit suicide.  

·        Today, the stakes are higher for bullies. Because of the widespread (and sometimes tragic) damage bullying can inflict, it is not unusual for bullies to be criminally prosecuted for their bullying behaviors.

·        Today, the stakes are higher for parents. For parents of bullies, prosecutors may look for circumstances to pin criminal responsibility for the bully’s behavior on her or his parents. For parents of bullying victims, the havoc that can be wreaked upon the family can be devastating, especially for those who have lost a child due to suicide. 

 

Because the nature of bullying has changed, we all have a responsibility to be more aware of what is going on around us.  We especially need to monitor what is going on in the lives of the teenagers we are connected to and care deeply about. 

Today’s parents should always take seriously any incidence where their child reports being bullied. The stakes today are simply too high to ignore bullying or to assume that your child will work it out on her or his own.  

Listen, keep written records, remain calm, deal proactively to pursue resolution, and provide follow up. Bullying causes series damage to the lives of everyone involved, damage that can be prevented if we stop bullying in its tracks and find healing and restoration.

Turkey day Tips

Thanksgiving is one of my favorite holidays.  It holds a special place in my heart.  While over the years the traditions have changed, I always look forward to getting together with my family and remember what we are thankful for. 

Thanksgiving is a treasured holiday in the lives of many families. Yet, because of the tendency to romanticize Thanksgiving Days gone by, we can set the bar of expectation so high that we’re bound to experience stress when the reality doesn’t match up to the expectation.

 

I thought I would share some tips on how you can reduce the stress level of your Thanksgiving day festivities:

 

1.    Manage Your Traditions – Don’t Let Them Manage You. 

Thanksgiving family traditions are great, but we don’t manage them, we can end up serving the tradition rather than the tradition serving us. There will come a time when some traditions need to change, make sure you recognize when it’s time to do something different.  While some of the details of your celebration may seem crucial don’t make the location or menu items the heart of your traditions. Rather, focus on the traditions of the heart: the relationships you get to renew each Thanksgiving Day, the conversations, the laughter, and the love. 

 

2.    Acknowledge this Truth:  There is No “Perfect” Thanksgiving.  

Give up pursuing the dream of a perfect Thanksgiving or any holiday celebration for that matter. It doesn’t exist. Fortunately, perfection isn’t required for a “happy” Thanksgiving. When something goes awry, as it inevitably will, how you respond to the situation will determine your stress level.  We have all been there and we know that nothing ever seems to go as planned.  Remember the people you care about the most will feed off of how you react to tough situations.  Make the most of your time together.

 

3.    Evaluate Your Expectations. 

There’s nothing wrong with having expectations.  Knowing what they are can help you adjust them to be more in line with reality. So, here are four questions: 1) What are you planning? 2) Why are you planning it? 3) Is it meaningful? 4) Is it reasonable to believe you can accomplish what you are planning?  It’s great to know what you or your family is expecting before you get in over your head trying to meet expectations that no one really has.

 

4.    Create Some Margin. 

Hosting Thanksgiving at your home is no “holiday.” While it may be a labor of love, it’s still labor! The person or persons most responsible often get run ragged. If you are the host, carve out some space for yourself by sharing responsibilities.  If you are just one of the hungry masses, make sure you offer to help.  Plan on bringing items to pitch in or help with the clean-up. Do whatever you can to show your appreciation and make life easier on those who were gracious enough to have you over.

 

5.    Don’t Take the Bait! 

Almost every family has at least one member who loves to stir the pot and push others’ buttons. And it seems that Turkey-Day is often the pot-stirring, button-pushing high holy holiday. Expect that some snarky comment will be made. Let it go, or make light of it. These comments are almost always an exercise in fishing. Remember, the fish that gets hooked, is the fish that takes the bait.

 

I hope this tips help you get the most out of Thanksgiving this year.  I hope you are looking forward to spending time with your family for Thanksgiving. There is so much to be thankful for and so much we seem to take for granted.  This year take some extra time to make this Thanksgiving special.  And remember that no matter what hardships you are facing or have faced recently – we have a good God who has given us so much to be thankful for.